Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. It really sucks when life gets in the way :P
Just wanted to blog a bit about my mom. I apologize in advance...this may get long-winded and sappy :P
Mom passed away November 11. She held on in the hospital until I could get there, so I got the chance to say goodbye to her. She had fallen at some point in the night/early morning and dad found her and called the ambulance. At the end, she wasn't responsive, but breathing on her own. Lately, she hadn't been leaving her house, except for her endless doctor appointments. She had just been fitted for a wheelchair, and it was to be delivered this coming week. Dad was hoping that it would get her out into the world again.
My mother was the strongest woman I knew. She was an Army wife, with my dad serving in Viet Nam early in their marriage and Korea shortly after I was born. I couldn't imagine being a new wife, without my husband or a new mom, alone.
She was mother to two daughters. Two daughters who fought like cats and dogs. (Still do, on occassion) But she was the peace-keeper and the disciplinarian. There was the standard "wait til your father gets home" threat, but we knew who the real punishment came from. You did *not* want to get on Mom's bad side. But, at the same time, she was the most fair person I've ever met. I spent a lot of time grounded as a teenager.....not because my mother was mean, but because I thought rules didn't apply to me. And when Mom was at the end of her rope with me, I would screw up again and somehow, she would find more rope. I'm hoping to glean the slightest bit of her patience when it comes to dealing with Diana, who's such a mini-me it's not even funny.
She was grandmother to four grandchildren. Charlene came a bit earlier than anyone anticipates becoming a grandmother, but she loved that kid like one of her own. Not saying my sister isn't an awesome mom, but there's only so much a 17 year old kid can do. And she worked with mom to raise Char in unison, most of the time. Yes, there were some squabbles, but it was all in the sake of looking out for Char. Char and Mom had a very special, very unique connection, and I'm worried what Mom's passing will do to Char emotionally. The kid's been thru a lot, and I'm hoping that she can get thru this easily.
Toria made Mom so proud on so many occassions. She excels academically, and Mom would tell me the stories on the phone and she would just beam with pride. Toria has dealt with a lot of crud in her young life, with her parent's divorce and her Dad just being immature. She's tough though, and getting thru it. She is one strong kid, and I think she gets a lot of that from her mom, which is a reflection of my mom.
Jaimison is the grandson. Finally, a boy! I know Mom didn't get to play with him as much as she would have liked because of her pain, and Jaimison being all boy and wanting to play rough, but he has such a sweet, soft side of him too. It was so adorable to see him switch into gentle-mode to give Grandma a hug. Being 5 years old, I'm not sure how much he's going to grasp. It's going to be hard for him to go to Grandpa's house and not run into Grandma's room for a granola bar or other yummy treats she always had available.
And then there's Diana. The long-distance grandchild. I lived away from my grandparents for a few years while we lived in Germany, so I know it's difficult to make that connection. But, after Diana was born, Mom came to stay with us for a few weeks, to help the "new mom." She had already lost a lot of range-of-motion in her shoulders by that point, so she couldn't hold Diana as much as she would have liked, but she was always there with her soothing voice and loving touch. Diana's a shy kid at times, so she would have to re-learn Grandma and Grandpa when we would go back to Rochester to visit. But, she loved her Grandma. Mom had a little tea set that she would play with Diana. And, for some reason, Mom would save Diana a bunch of greeting cards. When we'd go home to visit, Diana would come home with a stack of cards, sometimes up to 30 cards! We find them all over the house because Diana loves to play mailman. She certainly hasn't grasped what's going on, but I keep telling her that Grandma's an angel know, and she's living in Heaven with Barney (which is funny cuz my mom wasn't a fan of pets)
She was a cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in Feb 2001, a month before my wedding. And, in perfect multi-task mode, mom said she would have her surgery in May, after the wedding and her move (Mom and Dad moved out of their house in April) ...The doctor said, "no, you're having surgery in 2 days" ....and she got thru it in flying colors and was able to attend my wedding. Strongest woman ever, I tell ya!
She was active in her "newly" adopted church. She stopped going to Catholic church soon after I got married, and started attending the church my sister went to, Community Christian Church. Man, if any church lives up to their name, it's this church. There is such a sense of community within the church members there, it's amazing. Although Jay and I aren't official members of the church, we're "extended family," if you will. My mom loved this church and made a lot of friends in her years there. She was very active in church groups when she was still mobile, and I know she was sorely missed from her groups when her health started to diminish. Our pastor, LeeAnn is an amazing woman and was with Mom in the hospital for a bit. She led us in prayer in Mom's last hour, and although Mom couldn't communicate, I know she heard LeeAnn and gained strength in her words.
She was a great mom, a great friend and a wonderful Grandma. I feel extremely lucky and blessed to have such an awesome Mom and role-model and know that she's watching over me now.
We're heading to Rochester later this morning to attend the memorial service at the church. It's going to be a long day. I've made peace with losing my mom because she's in a much better place. I cry out of selfishness, out of missing her and her not "being here" for me and my family. I cry out of joy because she's at peace now.
Goodbye Mommy....you were wonderful and I miss you already.
